Are you one of those who were picked on in high-school? Were you one of those that took all their aggression and turned it inward causing a black cancerous lump of rage to grow deep in your bowels and slowly turn your soul black? Or, perhaps you are the bully in high-school, we aren't picky. If not, can you program a TiVo, cause we need that too.

MagnusApollo, inc. is looking to fill a variety of jobs, and one is perfect for you! A multi-national group wishes to find workers to help bring a vision of the future to life. Locations include mountainside castle, scary tropical volcanically active island, Space Station hidden behind the moon, and nondescript skyscraper located in a major city. One of these locations will be sure to fit your needs.

Position number 1: Henchman
In need of strong willed, below average intelligence, hard working henchmen that will follow any order given to them, to take part in world domination. While payment isn't something the IRS will see, you will be rewarded in due time with your perseverance and unfaltering loyalty to me. Custom designed uniforms of black leather and breathable cotton make you the talk around the police station. Durable enough to fight hand to hand in, yet comfortable enough to be worn out on the town for dancing. For those who wish bullet proof armor available in specific sizes. Those who are ninjas are given first pick, followed by unusually agile large males, then standard body frame nondescript individuals (male or female). There is an opening for two quirky charismatic characters whom to make me laugh and might need to get into verbal tete-a-tete with any enemies I might have during the heat of battle. Standard weapons for entry level henchmen include dart guns, tazers, grappling hooks, to name only a few of the exciting accoutrements offered once hired and trained accordingly. Rifles and shotguns offered to Level 2-5 henchmen. Mind Melting rays, invisibility cloaks, personal hover bikes, and genetically engineered attack dogs available for the upper level Henchmen. Testing available to ensure you are placed in the proper levels to suit your skills. Must be willing to get hands dirty, and possibly bloody.

Position number 2: Goon/Thug
If you feel that your skills are more geared towards "hired Goons or Thugs", fear not, you will be put to work. Loading of equipment into futuresque looking vehicles, unloading of kidnapped Nemeses family members and loved ones, and picking up lunches will be appreciated with your Goon-tastic powers. Work outside on the docks all day long, and feel the nice cool ocean breeze. Smoking is allowable in specific, non-explosive heavy areas. Pay is less than henchmen, but the workload is less. Derbies, Bowlers, or Cabbie's Hats must be warn at all time, unless you have a mullet then no hat is needed. Nondescript wool coats, comfortable slacks, and oversized work boots are offered to Goons free of charge. The ability to spot enemies sneaking in is not a requirement, but it is a bonus. Must be able to crack knuckles and/or neck. Thugs will be needed to facilitate the scare tactics needed to keep the society in check during troubled periods. Menacing looks for this position is required. Facial Scarification is offered to those who wish it. Must be willing to get hands dirty, and possibly bloody.

Position number 3: Lab Tech, Evil Scientist, Genetic Experiment gone bad.
If you are one of the rare above average intelligence henchmen that have had difficulty finding work in the past, then need not worry. You might be a Laboratory assistant and never realized it. Maximize your potential for evil with MagnusApollo inc. We have job Openings daily in the Mad Science Laboratories located in the basement and R wing of the secret lair. In fact with the recent explosion and genetically modifying chemical mishap I'm searching for 5 new intellects... immediately. Must be willing to take over previous projects and dispose of the half human/monsters left behind. Work with state-of-the-art devices recently stolen from a small private island owned by the US military in the pacific. If you can figure out what they do, I'm offering a double salary bonus upon hiring. Must be willing to get hands dirty, and possibly bloody.

Other Benefits include:
-Living space and meals offered
-Moving costs are covered
-Pets welcome
-401k matching
-Dental and Vision Plans
-free membership to M.S.F.A.B.T (Mad Scientists For a Better Tomorrow)
-You are given the antidote to all possible plagues and bio-weapons before we release!
-Rewarded greatly once master plans have been fulfilled.

Not your typical 9-5 job! Multiple locations, so one will be perfect for you! If you are between the age of 18 and 35, a loner, and lack ties to friends and family then MagnusApollo Inc. Is perfect for you! We are an equal opportunity employer.

If you are interested fill out the form below and feel your life getting better.

Name:_______________________________________________

Age:____________ Favorite Color:________________________

Position you wish to fill: ________________________

Willing to move (y/n):______ Wiling to Die(y/n):______

Enemy Spy wanting to infiltrate me (y/n):______
If Yes then please shoot yourself or wait for
one of my henchmen to find you and shoot you.

Ninja (y/n):______ Agile (y/n):______ Scary (y/n):______

Genetic Mutant (y/n):______
If Yes Please inform me what powers you have:
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________

Other Special Gifts/Talents:________________________

Languages spoken:________________________

In your own words, describe why you wish to work for
MagnusApollo, Inc. and what you can bring to the table:

____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
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Signature:___________________________ Date:____________

Send Application to:
Evil Menacing Island Fortress,
C/O Magnus
Po Box 1
Large Island 276 miles due south of Easter Island
Middle of the Pacific